pecking birds on backs

The german version of this dialogue refers to a "Specht" , not a bird in general. I dont know what a Specht is in English, but definitely its the type of thing that keeps pecking trunks of trees until they made holes. So the title of this blog is: A pecking bird on your back. or rather the plural form of that, anyway, here goes the dialogue:




Old brittsh posh gentleman keeps meeting young gentleman who turns out very helpful.

1.
- Dear Sir, may I tell you that there's a bird sticking to your back? May I help you to discard it?
-Oh, yes, please, young gentleman, - incase you have your bird-removal-kit with you?
- Naturally!
- Go on then, do it!

2.
-Dear Sir, I am sorry I have to tell you that there's something sticking to your shoes. May I help you to remove it?
-Young gentleman, I would like you to. But have you got a screwdriver with you.?
- No Sir, excuse me. I do not.
- Well sorry then, we cannot complete the procedure!

3.
- Dear Sir, I need to inform you that there's a vibrating bunny sticking to your back! May I help you to remove it?
- Good Lord, yes please, what shall the neighbours think of me if THAT keeps in that place!

4.
-Dear Sir, I just noticed that there's a hut sticking to your back. May I help you to remove it?
-No, young man, I need that, now that the bunny is gone!